Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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