i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
