also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
