you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
