I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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