ugly people sure do ruin things
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
