Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
