Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
