I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize