Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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