sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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