...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
