I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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