got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
