If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
