I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
