if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
