I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
