No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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