exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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