I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
