Pants 0. Shit 1.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
