what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
