he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
