i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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