yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
