I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
