i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
