420 ftw
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
