Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize