I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
