The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize