so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
