we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
