They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
