dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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