3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
