this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize