Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
