Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
