i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
