I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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