i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
