On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
