I want to stick my p in your. b.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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