yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
