I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize