I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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