my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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