you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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