I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
