There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
