bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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