you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
