i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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