Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
