The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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