I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
