nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
