I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
