some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
there is puke in my bra ... again
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