he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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