Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
