Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
