Me too!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
