Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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