My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize