i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
