Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
