I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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