I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
