In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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