She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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