well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love having hate sex.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
