At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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