I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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