We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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