I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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