you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize