Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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