JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
