Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
