The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
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