I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
