ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
