is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize