we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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