Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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