I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
