cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
