"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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