im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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