How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
