I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
