Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
