remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
