You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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