Little spoons don't ask big questions
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
