Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The best revenge is premature balding
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
