I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
