i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
