Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to get me chipped asap
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
