I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
