I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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