Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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