Sponge bath it is.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
