So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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