Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
